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When Parents and Students Disagree About the College List

A short protocol for parent-student college-list disagreements that produces a next step instead of a stalemate.

Use this page for one live disagreement about schools already on the table. It does not build a list. For reach, target, and safety construction, use safety, match, and reach. It does not assign standing household roles. That is the responsibility map. It does not settle what the family can pay. Have that conversation first, then come back if the fight is still about a name.

You can finish this without hiring anyone. A consultant is optional later, not a requirement of the protocol.

This protocolNot this protocol
Name the school, each person's reason, and which criterion is in conflict.Rebuild the entire list or argue about who is being unreasonable.
Leave with one next step and one decision-maker for that step.Reassign owners for essays, testing, and the whole application.

Name the disagreement

Up to three schools. Fit, selectivity, money, and control are different fights. If two criteria are live, pick the one you will decide this week.

School 1

Criterion in conflict

School 2

Criterion in conflict

School 3

Criterion in conflict

Copy the protocol

Copy stays off until every named school has a parent reason, a student reason, and a conflict criterion, and the next step has a decision-maker.


Work through a list disagreement

Recommended next steps